May 23, 2014
Ten Profound Sermon Suggestions on Marriage For Cowering Priests
Posted by Dave Heath
Good one, Sheryl!
Posted by Sheryl
If you and your spouse find yourself disagreeing and coming to Father for advice, sit up straight and listen intently when he tells you that it is not a sin to divorce; it’s only a sin to divorce and remarry without an annulment.
And have a pencil and paper ready when he gives you directions to the tribunal where you can begin your petition to get out of this marriage, which is not fulfilling, and hope to get into another that is.
2) Second Chance
The greatest gift God has given us is a second chance. I mean a second chance to wear a white gown or tuxedo, and have your crying children standing there while you say vows. Again.
The children are crying because they are happy. Not because they are losing everything that meant home and family to them. Don’t let such thoughts make you feel bad.
Those are bad thoughts.
3) God Wants You to be Happy
Happiness is the best thing this side of hot fudge sundaes.
Don’t think that the children might be crying because they are not happy. And for God’s sake, don’t think about the Lord dying on the Cross so we can be happy in the next life.
And above above all, don’t even try to remember what the nuns told you about the Lady who told Bernadette that she didn’t promise the young girl happiness in this life but in the next. Such are fairy tales. The Promised Land is Now!
4) Annulment Makes You Uncomfortable
Then skip it and find a Justice of the Peace. It’s his job to make you comfortable.
And he is there, just for you.
Don’t be uncomfortable.
God wants you to be comfortable.
Remember, Communion for the Divorced and Remarried is a hot topic in the Curia right now. The more of you that there are, the more the "CHURCH" will see that reality is good.
5) Time of Mercy
My children, God forgives all. Just trust and dismiss what some say about returning to the first marriage. Who is that going to benefit? I didn’t hear anything about children, and neither did you. Children adjust. Adults must be happy, happy, happy.
And virtually no one can live like brother and sister except brothers and sisters. Don’t make me laugh!
6) You Didn’t Consent Properly
Babycakes. You were too immature, too traumatized, too emotional, too love-stricken, whatever; the tribunal will help you with this one.
That is what they are there for. To help heal whatever ailed the first time.
And they will be there the second and third time also. Whenever you need them, they are MERCIFULL! As in just FULL of it.
7) You Were Not Capable
IF you consented properly, and chances are you did not, then the tribunal can make a case that you were not capable of doing what you consented to.
As in, you signed the papers to buy a car, but were not able to make the payments. No nice car dealer would expect you to do what you simply cannot do, and the Church is nicest of all.
8) Your Children Are Legitimate
There are some bad, judgmental people out there who will say that you bastardize your children by getting an annulment. Those are bad people with impure thoughts. Avoid them.
The tribunal has the keys. If we say that God did not join you together, then He did not. And those people who get all worked up over children being born to unmarried people need to seek a new, revised Code of American Heritage Law-type Dictionary.
9) Civil Divorce Makes Your Marriage Unreconcilable
So you must get the divorce first before we can do anything. Just forget what your mother says about divorce being a sin. She is one of those who is behind the times. And ignore her when she says that Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton reconciled, and Natalie Wood and Bob Wagner.
When you take Hollywood as your example, you. . . . Whoops,
Just tell her you have to hang up and get a call from your new hot guy/gal. (Don’t tell her that; just say another call. She might have another hissy fit. And hissy fits don’t make you happy.)
10) The Four Last Things
I can never imagine God would do more than slap us on the wrist, no? I mean, come on! Seriously? (Plagiarized straight from Mundabor.)