June 19, 2014

THE IDEAL FATHER?

I came across this list recently, something I wrote over a year ago, most likely in a moment of frustration, sadness, pain and probably self pity. The list comprises various statements and emotions, either implied or spoken, associated these past few years with this particular divorce, annulment and me. I cannot deny there is Catholic Truth in some of the items listed as "Ideal" but still, I think, it would be hard for any Father to live the list as it is written...nor would I ever expect him to.


                                              THE IDEAL FATHER:


·    IS ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY

·    ALWAYS LOVES THE PROPER WAY SO THAT ALL FEEL      LOVED...WITHOUT QUESTION

·    NEVER MAKES MISTAKES

·    NEVER APOLOGIZES (FOR HE NEVER MAKES MISTAKES)

·    ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS, IN THE RIGHT MANNER, AND WITH THE PROPER WORDS

·   ALWAYS GIVES OF HIMSELF BEFORE GIVING TO HIMSELF

·   NEVER HUGS HIS CHILDREN EXCEPT WITH BEAR HUGS TO SHOW THE MEASURE OF HIS LOVE

·   TELLS HIS CHILDREN EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE THEY NEED TO HEAR 

·   NEVER MAKES A MOTHER UNHAPPY

·   NEVER MAKES A MOTHER CRY

·   IS NEVER INATTENTIVE TO A MOTHER

·   ALWAYS SHOWS THE CHILDREN BY WORDS AND  ACTIONS HOW MUCH A MOTHER IS LOVED

·   ALWAYS REMEMBERS THE LOVE AND RESPECT OF HIS CHILDREN IS AN EARNED PRIVILEGE AND NOT A DIVINE  RIGHT

·   IS ALWAYS WHAT HE NEEDS TO BE IN ORDER TO BE  RIGHTFULLY CALLED “FATHER”

·   IS ALWAYS EMOTIONAL, EFFUSIVE AND ENGAGING

·   CAN NEVER BE HURT BY THE WORDS, ACTIONS OR EMOTIONS OF OTHERS

·   ALWAYS STRIVES TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY EVEN IF IT  CONFLICTS WITH FAITH, MORALS AND/OR REASON



   A year later, this is my rebuttal to what I wrote then.


                                             THE REAL FATHER:

·  IS ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY [BUT ACCEPTS HIS OWN FRAILTIES WHEN HE FALLS SHORT. MOST ALWAYS REPENTS AND ASKS FORGIVENESS.]

·   ALWAYS LOVES THE PROPER WAY SO THAT ALL FEEL      LOVED...WITHOUT QUESTION [NO...HE DOESN'T. BUT HE  FUMBLES ALONG AND TRIES TO ANYWAY]

·   NEVER MAKES MISTAKES [ONLY ONE FATHER NEVER  MADE or MAKES MISTAKES. EVER.]

·    NEVER APOLOGIZES (FOR HE NEVER MAKES MISTAKES) 
     [ACTUALLY, HE NEVER STOPS APOLOGIZING. 
      EVER.]

·   ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS, IN THE    RIGHT MANNER, AND WITH THE PROPER WORDS 
    [NOPE...NOT THIS ONE EITHER. HE NEVER FINISHED COLLEGE. BARELY MADE IT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. DO YOU REALLY THINK HIM CAPABLE OF THIS?]

·   ALWAYS GIVES OF HIMSELF BEFORE GIVING TO HIMSELF
    [WELL...YEAH. HE'S A FATHER. BUT CAN'T HE BE FORGIVEN  IF HE'S SELFISH A TIME OR TWO? OR THREE? OR EVEN 10? HE'S NOT A DEMI-GOD, YOU KNOW...]

·  NEVER HUGS HIS CHILDREN EXCEPT WITH BEAR HUGS TO SHOW THE MEASURE OF HIS LOVE [BUT HE DOES HUG THEM, EVEN IF IT IS WITH HIS LEFT HAND IN HIS POCKET AND HIS RIGHT ARM AROUND HIS DAUGHTER. IS THAT REALLY LESS LOVING THAN A BEAR HUG?]

·   TELLS HIS CHILDREN EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE THEY  NEED TO HEAR [NO HE DOESN'T...AND HE NEVER WILL.]

·  NEVER MAKES A MOTHER UNHAPPY [HE KNOWS HE DOES THIS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, BUT STILL HE TRIES NOT TO. AND SOMETIMES FAILS. MISERABLY.]

·  NEVER MAKES A MOTHER CRY [HE KNOWS HE DOES...AND SOMETIMES HE CRIES ALSO, SILENTLY AND ALONE, BECAUSE OF IT] 

·  IS NEVER INATTENTIVE TO A MOTHER [THOUGH HE STRIVES TO BE A ST. JOSEPH, HE IS NOT ALWAYS SO.]

·  ALWAYS SHOWS THE CHILDREN BY WORDS AND ACTIONS HOW MUCH A MOTHER IS LOVED [MOSTLY. BUT NOT ALWAYS. HE IS, AFTER ALL, A HUSBAND. AND A MAN.]

·   ALWAYS REMEMBERS THE LOVE AND RESPECT OF HIS  CHILDREN IS AN EARNED PRIVILEGE AND NOT A DIVINE  RIGHT [ALWAYS REMINDS HIS CHILDREN OF THEIR OBLIGATIONS UNDER THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT. PERIOD.] 

·   IS ALWAYS WHAT HE NEEDS TO BE IN ORDER TO BE  RIGHTFULLY CALLED “FATHER” [HE IS CALLED FATHER  BECAUSE OF MARRIAGE AND THE CHILDREN IT  PRODUCES. HE NEEDS NO OTHER REASON TO HOLD THIS  "RIGHT". GET OVER IT.]

·  IS ALWAYS EMOTIONAL, EFFUSIVE AND ENGAGING [HE IS MALE. ANTHROPOLOGICALLY, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BE ALL THREE AT ONCE.]

·   CAN NEVER BE HURT BY THE WORDS, ACTIONS OR  EMOTIONS OF OTHERS [WRONG. HE BLEEDS RED, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. HIS HEART BREAKS WHEN IT'S HURT, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S. HE CRIES, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, EXCEPT HE USUALLY DOES IT ALONE.]

·   ALWAYS STRIVES TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY EVEN IF IT  CONFLICTS WITH FAITH, MORALS AND/OR REASON [HE WON'T COMPROMISE ON HIS FAITH, MORALS OR REASON. SO DON'T ASK HIM TO AND YOU WON'T EVER BE UNHAPPY.]




Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved

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